#37 - Other Peoples Opinions
Hey, hey, ladies. So happy to be on the mic today and talking to you guys, but this wasn't planned. I'll tell you guys a little bit about my day. So I had planned to do some video recording today. And my tech, my computer decided that the high def camera didn't want to work. So I'm having to shut down and restart my entire mainframe computer system. But I record my podcast on my laptop. So I was trying to think of how I could utilize my time, in the best way possible. And so I decided to record a podcast. The only difference is I look amazing. Usually when I record my podcast,I'm in my pajamas and I have no makeup and my hair is in a top bun. But today I'm ready to do a live video. So I've got a face of makeup and my hair is done and I'm wearing pretty clothes. And notice if the energy is different today, because of that, I'm trying better to show up in my business, even though my business is fitness and my business happens to be at 90% of the time in my office where nobody can see me. So that's what we're doing today. That's it. Can you hear my computer restarting? I'm going to leave that in there. I'm not even going to edit it out. So I wanted to tell you guys a little bit about that, because I think that it requires a little bit of resilience to have everything go wrong and still push forward in being productive and how this relates to fitness and nutrition is if you have planned to have a certain meal at a restaurant, or if you would plan to have a certain meal at home even, and you don't have the right ingredients or the restaurant. Uh, no longer carries that meal, you pick something different. What else can help you achieve your goal? What else will get you there? Same with working out. If all of a sudden you can't get to the gym or your gym is closed or your car won't start or whatever excuse becomes a roadblock for you. How can you get that workout done differently? How can you do it from home? How can you do it without weights? How can you still move towards your goals of being productive and achieving what you want the result without doing it the exact way you had thought. You're getting me, you see in the cross lessons here.
All right. You guys. I promised you in the last episode that I would give you an update on all the things that have happened over the last couple of weeks. It has been a whirlwind of May so far. I had COVID for the end of April and the first week of May. And then we went right into the WNBF Vancouver show. I luckily tested negative the day before that show and was able to go into that show really confidently. Helping my athletes get onstage team Sculpt did fucking amazing. Yes, I'm dropping an F bomb. Every single athlete that I worked with podiums, which means they all placed top three in their category. And this as a coach is such a rewarding experience. We don't have a lot of control over how the athletes place. We only can control how they show up, their conditioning, their muscularity, their stage presence, the way their appearance looks. And then it's up to the judges. It's out of our control. It has a lot to do with who else shows up, what the category looks like, how big the category is. There's so many variables. So to have a full team podium is just such an amazing affirming feeling that we're moving in the right direction. And even if my athletes don't podium, the fact that every single one of the athletes that got on stage last weekend had improved so immensely from where they competed last, or if they were competing for the first time, they absolutely stepped on stage with their best body to date, which that alone, in my opinion is such a win. I was so proud of those girls. And the bodies that they brought to the stage, their stage performances were unbelievable. And just their showmanship, the way they were with other athletes backstage. Their ability to come together as a team and support each other, and then the outstanding support that they got from the other athletes in Lady Sculpt was just, it makes my heart so big. You got it. I just love the community that we're building and the women that are being drawn into being part of that community. It's just so inspiring. It makes my heart so big. Okay. So that was WNBF. It was a fantastic show, overall. The athlete quality was incredible for the first amateur show to kick off the 2022 season. I'm so stoked for what's to come this season and then right after WNBL, Vancouver, I had one day to kind of decompress.
And then I went to the sunshine coast and stayed in a beach front cabin with my mom and my good friend, Michelle and her mom. And we had so much fun, we had a hot tub, we beach walked, we cooked incredible food. You guys, I barbecued, I barbecued steak and it turned out amazing. And most of you probably don't know this. I am not a good barbecue or my husband does all the barbecuing. So I was really impressed with myself and I barbecued peppers and zucchinis and asparagus, and it was incredible. And then we made this beautiful baked salmon with baked brussel sprouts and bacon and I made a fresh squeezed margarita. You guys, It was so good, but when I came home from that last Thursday, Just this past Thursday, I recognized that over the course of that two weeks of me being sick and then right into WNBF, and I'm not going to lie, I kind of rock started my way through that a little bit in terms of like using energy drinks and I ate well, but not enough. And not as often as I normally do. And I felt the difference, I felt that in my body, I felt the lack of energy. And then to move right into mother's day weekend, where we had all the food and it was healthy food for the most part, but there was, you know, some snacks in there and stuff like that and alcohol and I came home really feeling like my body needed my attention. My guts were not happy, my weight was way up by way up. I mean, like five to seven pounds up. And so I sat right down and I wrote out a reboot protocol for myself, and I'm going to be offering a program coming up on rebooting your gut. So if this is something that interests you, I do want after any, big, stressful phase like this, or if I go away vacation and I'm not good or even after the Christmas, new year season it very often I do a gut reboot. I'm very sensitive to sugars and carbohydrates and alcohol. So whenever I've had a lot of those foods, I tend to reboot my gut. So I'm now about five days into my gut reboot. And after like the third day, you guys, I felt so much better. My weight came down within 24 hours. And now I feel like I'm just, I'm on my way. I am 87 days away from my 40th birthday. And my goal for my 40th birthday is to be 40 fabulous and fit as fuck. That's the goal. We're doing a big photo shoot that I'm really excited about and then the weekend after I'm running in my first ever Spartan race. Which for me, I'm going to have to train for it. You guys, I'm not a runner. I do not do cardio well, I like to lift weights. So this is a little outside my comfort zone, but I've always wanted to do one. So it's going to happen this year, my 40th year, I think it's time. Right? Okay. We are like 10 minutes in. And now we're going to start.
Episode number 37, other people's opinions. This podcast, if you're still with me, if you haven't switched channels, is for everybody. I know this is part of the competition series and I'm going to be talking about it in terms of competition prep. But whether your goal is weight loss right now, or sculpting or competition prep, or you just struggle with people pleasing and having other people disagree with you, this podcast is for all of you. Other people's opinions are something that I've had to do a lot of self are gone. I am definitely a self-diagnosed people pleaser. I have been most of my life in the last five years. I've done a ton of work on really asking myself what I want, what makes me happy, what do I feel like. And going after things in my life that make me truly happy and not worrying so much about what other people think, and I want to talk to you guys about all of it. I've got a whole list of things I want to talk to you guys about today.
So first off let's understand that as humans, we all have an opinion. And our opinion is just our thoughts about it. Right? So every human has an opinion and every opinion is going to be from a slightly different place. Right? Our opinions are basically just our thoughts on a specific subject or on a specific person. And those thoughts are based off, of our experiences of that person or of that thing or someone else's thoughts on that thing or of that person. Right. We formulate our opinions based off of all of the information that we have. And each of us may have different information, we also base our opinions off of our past and our history and our experiences. Understanding that all humans have different experiences and past and filters that their thoughts go through to become opinions. So releasing the idea that everybody's opinion needs to be the same as yours. It is a beautiful thing that all humans have different opinions. It's a beautiful thing that we all think separately. However, we also drive this human desire to be accepted and to fit in and be part of the pack, which forces us to feel like our opinions need to be the same as everybody else's or if someone doesn't agree with us and what we're doing, that we are all of a sudden going to be shamed and pushed out of the pack. What I want this to encourage you to do is to not be afraid to have an opinion that it's different and not to be afraid to voice that. And if other people have a different opinion than you, don't get defensive. It's fine. They're loud. Let's have a conversation about it. Let's see what makes us unique. And if you can agree on it, maybe you can agree to disagree and that's totally fine. So I've got three things, of course, three, right? About other people's opinions that you need to know.
Number one, other people's opinions have very little to do with you even if it's their opinion of you, it has very little to do with you. It is coming through their filter. It has way more to do with them than you especially when it's negative. Right? Let's take a look at this in terms of comp prep. If someone's opinion of you is that competition prep is very selfish and very vain and why are you doing this. Right? That opinion doesn't have a lot to do with you personally at all. That's their thoughts on maybe the sport, their thoughts on what they've seen other athletes in the past do, it's their thoughts about what they think competing entitled. It has nothing to do with who you are as a human or your worthiness or who you are as an athlete. Right? And on the other side of things, let's say you have someone who thinks that you are competing is the best thing ever. And they're so in all, and they're so motivated and so inspired by you. They think that you are amazing and it has so much more to do with that person. It's an individual outlook in that person's thoughts about themselves rather than about you. Right? Other people's opinions are just a mirror and a reflection of what is going on inside of them. I love the quote and I use this a lot. I share it with my friends when they're all in their head about other people's opinions and I've given it to strangers on social media sometimes. And I'm giving it to you, use it as much as you'd like here it is, other people's opinions of me are none of my business. So when someone tells me their opinion of me, I say, thanks. It's noted. And I keep going. I don't let it sink in. I don't let it mean anything about me because their opinion isn't theirs. It is all about them, very little to do with me. Okay.
Number two, if we all had the same opinion, life would be crazy boring. Right? It's beautiful that we all have our own opinions.
And number three, stop the people pleasing. So, wanting to have the same opinion as someone else, noticing that your opinion is different, but you are agreeing with somebody just to please them. Actually means that you're showing up, not as authentically as you. And that relationship, that connection made from similar opinions, isn't going to be authentic because you're not showing up authentically as you in that moment. Right? It's beautiful that we are different. So have your own back, be proud of who you are and the things that you're choosing to do. And know, and be solid in your why. I recently was talking to one of my newest bikini pros, Kiarra Armstrong who went pro at the WNBF Vancouver show. And she was talking to me about her reasons to compete. And she's like, this has nothing to do with weight loss or vanity or wanting to look good. It has everything to do with me, wanting to see what's possible for my body. I loved that why, it had nothing to do with anyone else. It had nothing to do with her worthiness or her love, it had everything to do with her pushing herself and challenging herself to see what was possible within herself. So when you have a really good why that you're really proud of and comfortable with and you think is really a good reason, other people's opinions don't matter anymore. This is also what I call having your own back. Having your own back is such an empowering feeling. It means that literally anybody can come and tell me their opinions. Anyone can come at me with anything they want. And as long as I know I have my own back and I know I'm a good person. I know that I always have people's best intentions at heart, what they say cannot hurt me, only my thoughts about what they say can hurt me. Right? Does that make sense? If you haven't listened to the first 10 episodes, you may want to backtrack. So our thoughts create our feelings, our feelings then create our actions. Okay.
You guys, so let's look at some examples of this in regards to competition. These are examples that have either happened to me personally, or that have happened to my athletes over the course of the last 10 years. So let's say you tell your best friend. Hey girl, I'm going to compete this fall in a bikini competition, and I'm not gonna be able to go out for Saturday night, nachos and beer for the next four months. And your best friend says, hey, I don't think this is a good idea. I don't think you need to lose weight. I think you look amazing the way you are. Why are you doing this? Their opinion, know that it comes from them personally, and we can be compassionate to them. We don't have to necessarily feel like they're not supporting us and go straight to a place of defensiveness and push away from that friend. We can be compassionate too. Hey, they're losing their Saturday night nacho and beer buddy, and that makes them sad and they don't want to lose their Saturday night nacho and beer buddy. So of course, their opinion of us competing is not positive. Right? They also may be slightly insecure about their body and their weight. And they might be reflecting or mirroring that opinion of themselves onto you because you being in the same places that makes them feel safe and secure and comfortable in their own body. But now that you have bigger ambitions, bigger goals, bigger dreams for your body. It makes them feel inadequate or maybe it's sparking a little bit of a, hey, you should do this to vibe in them that makes them really uncomfortable. So something that we can do in this situation is be compassionate to that best friend's opinion and be like, hey, this is why I'm doing this because I really want to see what's possible for my body. Why is it that you're struggling to support me in this goal? What is it that makes you uncomfortable with me doing this? And find out from them and find out if it's coming from a place of insecurity or if maybe they're just really sad that they're going to miss out on that Saturday night connection with you. And maybe you can still do Saturday night connections, but maybe now you order dry chicken wings and a soda water, or maybe you splurge and get a diet Coke. I know for those of us who don't compete, you're going to be like, wait, that doesn't sound like fun, but for me, a soda, water and chicken wings is an awesome meal. So you guys can still connect. You can still get together and maybe you making better food choices. We'll encourage them to make better food choices to maybe all of a sudden it'll become both of you doing soda waters or diet cokes and chicken wings. Right? And then not just can come back. If you choose post comp, it's totally fine. You don't have to alienate yourself, in desocialized from people who don't support your goals off of the hot, because a lot of times when people don't support your goals, it's because they think they're losing you in a way, they think that it's pulling you away from them. It's making you different from them. They're losing their pack. And when you can start to understand the way humans think when you start to understand. And be compassionate to how other people are feeling and what they're going through. It makes it so much easier to find connection. And to not get defensive and to not feel unsupported.
Okay, next example, a husband who doesn't want you to compete. So I personally have been in this situation with an ex-boyfriend. I had an ex-boyfriend that I would compete with, when he worked out of town. And at first he was really gung-ho about the idea in his mind. I think he saw it as, you know, a way to keep me busy and a way to keep me fit. And it gave me something to do and focus on. And as I got better and better and better and started winning titles. He started to get more apprehensive about the idea of me competing. And at one point he said, hey, I don't like that you're doing this. The guys at work are starting to bug me that you are more muscular than me. Was I more muscular than him? Not even close. He was a big, beautiful man. But his insecurity in himself was creating this insecurity that he was pushing on to me. And unfortunately that relationship didn't last very long after that, because I chose me. I chose my path and what I wanted at that point. But however, I'm not saying if your husband doesn't support this goal, that you should get a divorce. That's not what I'm saying at all. But similar to the best friend scenario is to be compassionate to what his thoughts about it might be and ask him, why are you struggling to support this? What are you worried about? Find out all their insecurities, their fears about it. Like what comes up for them first and try and do this from a really non-defensive place. So maybe he says it's too expensive, we can't afford it. Maybe he says, I need your help with the kids and with life. And I don't want you taking this much time away to focus on you. Maybe he says, I like, you've just the way you are and, and your body is perfect, which may mean that there's a slight insecurity in his body or that he thinks you're doing this from a place of insecurity about yourself and his trying to reaffirm you. So find out why, there's this negative feedback, find out why there's the lack of support. And then you can come together from a more understanding place, you can affirm that you're going to budget for this, or this is how you're going to pay for it or maybe you can show him exactly what it's going to cost and how you guys are going to be able to afford it. And again, sharing your why, sharing why you're doing this really can help with creating and generating support from your loved ones in terms of time. I can see how that would be super scary for a husband, especially for a husband. And a family that has kids involved too. The idea of mum taking two to three hours a day for time for herself may put him into a place of scarcity very rapidly. So sitting down and planning that ahead of time and showing him, hey, I'm going to get up two hours before everyone else gets up and go to the gym and do this for me. And this is why it's important to me. And this is how it's going to allow me to show up as a better version of myself and a better wife and a better mom.
Okay, another example, let's talk about extended families. So mothers or mother-in-laws, who don't understand your desire to compete, or even your desire to live a sculpted lifestyle, or even your desire for weight loss, any of these situations. A lot of the time our moms were raised in a different generation. And they think we are amazing and beautiful and they just want us to be happy. And they're smart women. Most of them know that losing weight or competing is not going to make us happy. Because getting there doesn't mean you will be happy. You have to think happy thoughts in order to be happy so we can be happy right now. So you let your mama know that, hey, I'm not doing this to be happy or to feel better about myself. I'm doing this to challenge myself, to see what I am capable of. I'm doing this because it motivates me to show up for myself in such a better way. And often when you tell somebody, why you're doing something from that place or I'm doing this to grow and learn and up level who I am as a person. You might still get a little bit of push back. People might be like, Hey, you're a fine person, especially your mama and that's okay. Righ? They don't necessarily need to understand. You can just say I get that, you don't understand, but I would still really appreciate your support because this is really important to me. Now recognize too, that your mamas especially if you're not enjoying their home cooking while you're competing. Might be again, it's their thoughts creating that opinion. So their thoughts of, if she can't eat my home cooking. There must be something wrong with this goal or my cooking isn't good enough for this goal or my cooking isn't healthy enough for this goal. So that's all her thoughts, that's all her stuff , that's all her opinions. That doesn't mean anything about you or your goal? So again, you ask your mama why the negative support, like what's going on for you? Why, why do you feel that I shouldn't do this. What's so wrong with it is going to give you her answer to that question is going to give you so much insight as to what's going on for her. What's going on in her brain and then you can tackle the exact reasons. You know, she might be like, I don't want to lose Sunday family dinners. And you can be like, we won't, I can bring my own meal or I'm happy to help cook a meal that I can eat too. When it comes to other people's opinions, especially the people that are closest to us. It's really finding out where their opinion, especially their negative opinion is coming from and then working your way through it, but also understanding that it is totally okay for other people to have their own opinions and they don't have to be the same as yours. Now, when it comes to strangers, you guys have an opinion about you competing. The random chick at the gym. The random person at work, you know, your neighbor's cousin. Right? when people say things in passing that are unkind or they have an opinion of you. That someone tells you through gossip, this stuff you guys. Know that those people having those opinions that's what they're spending their life on is throwing negative stuff at you and throwing hate at you. How exceptional must their life be, how boring must their life be, that this is what they spend their time doing. So I don't want to put those people down, but hey, If you're throwing hate, if you watch yourself, if you're listening to this podcast and you're like, oh, note if you're doing this, or why are you being a hater? Are you throwing opinions around that are not helpful to other people and notice why you're doing it? Are you insecure about your lack of action, your lack of setting goals and achieving goals and going after your dreams. As if you're somebody that has an opinion. It is negative about what someone else is doing, question that. Question your motives, question where that's coming from the same way when you reverse it and ask other people why they're feeling a negative way. Why they're not supporting you, why they have this opinion. If you notice yourself having opinions about other people, your teammates, other athletes in your sport, just people at your gym, anyone else in your world? Question yourself about your motives. Why are you having that negative opinion? What is that reflecting on you, what can you learn about yourself? Because often this is a great place to see where you are not showing up for you, where you're busy having an opinion about what someone else is doing. That's amazing, but truly you want to be that amazing person doing that thing. So why can't you be. Put your opinion away. And put all that negative energy into doing the thing that you wish you were doing. Let's go, come on.
Okay. So the last example I wanted to talk about is the coach's opinions. When we hire a coach, we're paying for their opinion. But as a coach, especially as someone who considers myself, a pretty forward-thinking coach. I value my athletes' opinions as well. I value having athletes that have different opinions than mine. So I will give an athlete my opinion when they ask for it. And when they tell me their opinion is different. I'm like, all right, let's talk about this. Let's bring it on. Let's have a conversation. And my athletes teach me so much. Sometimes I change my opinion. Sometimes I try to convince them of my opinion. Right? Especially when it comes to specifics in nutrition or specifics in training, sometimes they just don't understand why I'm asking them to do something and they just need a bit more knowledge in it. Right? Their opinion is coming from something they read or their history or something they tried in the past. And they just need a little bit more information for them to embrace my opinion or what I'm asking them to do. Also, it is totally fine to have a coach that has a different opinion. Now, this can get complicated in certain situations, and I know athletes who have left certain coaches because their opinions or their ethics or their boundaries, that kind of thing have been different. There's foundation to that but as humans, we are all entitled to have our own opinion and those opinions do not need to all be the same. So in closing you guys. I just want you to stop putting worrying energy into what other people think, what other people's opinions are the most important opinion to you, is your own, the only opinion that should matter that has any weight is your opinion of yourself. And nobody should be able to shake that, make that opinion so positive and so grounded that no matter what anyone else says, you're like, no. I'm amazing. There is nothing you can say that will change my mind. I love that, love having my own back that way. Since I've started to really ground myself in self-love and who I am as a person and being really solid with who I am as a person and what my opinions are and what my feelings are and what I like. It is much easier for me to allow other humans to have whatever opinion of me they want and to love them regardless. All right my friends, that is episode number 37. I will see you next week. Bye for now.
